I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
