One girl and one boy is just not enough.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
