Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
