I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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