Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
