I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
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so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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