God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
My pussy is not your playground.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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