I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
