So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
