and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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