And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
