Nicole vs. Life
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
