Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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