that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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