There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
