While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
