The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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