these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
