just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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