Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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