There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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