Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
