her vagine was all disorganized.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i came on her dog
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
