Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
