You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
