I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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