went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
