I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
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There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
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He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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