WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize