I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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