I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
