i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
