My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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