I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
