Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
