Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
where are you?
Hypothermia
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
