Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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