Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
