Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
