mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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