Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
