This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
