this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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