About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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