Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
MIDGETS
????
Floor bacon is actually really good
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
