Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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