does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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