Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
