I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
