Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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