Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
