left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
