By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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