Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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