Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
