Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
