does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
