why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
