cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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