Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize