Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
