He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
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