i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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