wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
