I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
