Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
