I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
