Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
