i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
