Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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