I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
3 2 1 whiskey
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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