I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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