I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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