You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
